The world can be divided into two categories of people: those that make New Year’s Resolutions, and those that don’t. I’ve noticed, in my personal asking of friends and family, what one’s resolutions are for the New Year, I receive one of the two responses: “Yes, and these are them in order from most to least important”, or, “No. You asked me that last year”. I am unashamedly a member of the former camp. I know very well that resolutions statistically do not last through the entire year, let alone through February, but I love the clean slate and the promise that the first of January brings. Of course, Hamilton Wright Mabie’s thoughts on the new year are true: “New Year’s Eve is like every other night; there is no pause in the march of the universe, no breathless moment of silence among created things that the passage of another twelve months may be noted; and yet no man has quite the same thoughts this evening that come with the coming of darkness on other nights”. The first day of the new year presents the same number of minutes as any other day, rent is still due, and I’ve never woken up any wiser or more interesting than I went to bed. But, the new year is a clean slate, and there’s something about a fresh 01/01 that inspires change for the better like no other date on the calendar.
A lot like New Year’s Eve parties, though, we set ourselves up for disappointment by disillusioning expectation. We think, because this year is not last year, we have the tools and the sudden mindset to accomplish the things we’ve set before us. Sometimes, it works. A lot of times, though, it doesn’t. Last year’s period of reflection was interesting for me, because I had entered into the new year with the resolutions to grow my hair longer, write more blog posts, and lose weight. I did the exact opposite throughout the year, instead leaving 2014 with a fresh shoulder-length hair cut, an entirely revamped blog site (but with zero published posts to show for the thought process), and a good few extra pounds on my frame (within healthy boundaries, as I got off the elliptical machine and started lifting weights, and relieved my fear of celebrating life with friends over burgers and beer. And margaritas. And ice cream). It was a weird year for me, at least on paper, because I had completely failed at meeting my resolutions, but closed out the year with a newfound sense of self – less dependent upon my hair and size and site to validate my worth.
Resolutions can be really good, but they can also be extremely limiting. They can be created and utilized as framework for success, or as the foundation for disappointment and frustration. If they aren’t what we actually need – and are driven by vanity, societal pressure, or misunderstanding of ourselves, they can distract us from doing the things that actually lead us to living our best lives. If losing 10 pounds means giving up birthday parties and happy hours and chocolate-chip pancakes, maybe it’s worth it. But, maybe it’s not. Maybe the best thing to do would be to spend more time with the people that remind you of your worth regardless of your size, that love you whether you’ve made it to the gym every day this week or not.
This year, I’ve decided against resolutions, although admittedly, at the beginning of December, I had them already listed. I really do think they’re great for a lot of things, but I’m taking a different approach for 2016. I deleted the “Resolutions” note from my phone, and have instead set my intention in the form of resolve. Without resolve – which is to commit to a purpose or a course of action – resolutions are arbitrary. Resolve is the driving vehicle to successfully met and maintained resolutions, so instead of willing myself to achieve an end result, I am going to focus intentionally on the process of becoming all of the things I pray to be. For this year, I’m resolving to lead a life characterized by grace, humility, faith, and beauty. In all my thoughts and actions – instead of asking myself, “is this going to help me achieve my resolution?”, I’m going to ask myself, “is what I’m doing, thinking, or saying, rooted in these things?”. I don’t want to focus on the accomplishment like I have in years before. Instead, I want to focus on the process of becoming more graceful, more humble, more faithful, and more beautiful in what I do, think, and say. I’ve set my sights on the driving force – my resolve – before any resolution. I’ve set my sights on the process before any end result.
Much like a New Year’s Eve party, the best part of the night is the getting ready part, anyway. Cheers to the process.
The Renovation Project 