I came across a post on my Instagram feed this morning that read, “The less you care, the happier you’ll be”. I see this mentality everywhere today; this certainly was not an ad hoc situation in which the source is particularly and uniquely cynical. I see my Pinterest board, which I genuinely use for inspiration, strewn with similar quotes and (admittedly funny) memes of ladylike women in dresses declaring, “I didn’t [care] yesterday, don’t [care] today, and honestly probably won’t [care] tomorrow”. Another reads, “I care so little I almost passed out”. I laughed. And then I felt discouraged.
Late American novelist Jack Kerouac said, “It always makes me proud to love the world somehow – hate’s so easy compared”.
How true this is! Loving others is hard, especially with true intention.
Having an aloof attitude about the world in which we live seems cool, as though those who truly are able to embody their carelessness in all that they do are the lucky ones. But, I can’t help but think that those who care more deeply and more widely are the ones who know true joy; the ones who care more are the really lucky ones, despite what messages viral memes or Instagram posts may perpetuate.
I am unable to think of a single occurrence in my twenty-two years in which I felt empty and unhappy after actively caring for someone else. In every single instance, I felt immediate happiness, as well as enduring joy, and a greater sense of fulfillment. We are told often and explicitly how awesome it is to not have the desire to care for others. We are told that this carelessness is freeing, but I can only imagine how trapped one must feel having to pretend to not care for anyone but themselves.
Not only does this seem lonely and miserable, but it is also the easy way out. Caring for others can be seem difficult; it requires selflessness, time, and breaking the barrier that is your comfort zone. Caring for others requires action. Those that do not have the drive to care for others seem strong, but it is the opposite: the strongest of women are those that seek to care for others.
Knowing that to care for others requires strength is daunting. But – here is the good news – there is no other requirement! Caring for others looks like buying a book for a friend you know she would love, or smiling at a stranger in passing (oh, the nerve it takes! Especially for my fellow Seattleites who can attest that this is more difficult than it should be). It looks like following through on plans for a coffee date rather than canceling, of which I am guilty more often than I would like to admit. It looks like sending a coworker an email to let them know you are thinking of them when they have had a rough week. It looks like writing a check for charity, or buying the next person in line at Storyville their cup of coffee. It looks like going out of your way in the big things and the little things, even when it might be inconvenient or uncomfortable.
Caring for others requires a love that is selfless and strong and unique. In a world which idolizes those that are only after their own happiness, via wealth or fame or popularity – and that are without a care for others – strive for difference. Strive for selflessness in your caring, strength in your caring, and uniqueness in your caring.
Strive to love others outlandishly, and you will be crazy loved right back.
The Renovation Project 